


Cliffs

by OmniscientProstitute



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Light Angst, M/M, but there's a good ending, terrible summary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-06 23:04:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10346589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmniscientProstitute/pseuds/OmniscientProstitute
Summary: What happens when Nishinoya over hears Asahi confess his feelings?





	

Azumane Asahi spent the ten percent of time he was away from school and volleyball gazing over the side of purple cliffs and into deep abyss black ravines. He hefted boulders onto his broad shoulders only to dump them into the chasm below him until the rift filled with enough substance for him to safely walk across. Occasionally he received assistance heaving the rocks over, or an avalanche sealed the space naturally. There were several canyons Asahi knew he would never be able to cross with or without help. His obsessive stressing over the future, college, money, and death disallowed the soothing of his earthen scars, but his familiarity with those worries made them manageable. He could deal with familiar and manageable; the new and unwieldy obstacles were terrifying. The colors of those cliffs were closer to a bruise, green, purple, blue, and yellow mottled together, and jagged. Gradually wear would smooth the sides, then the replenishing process would begin. If Asahi was lucky he would be able to cross within a few months. Of course there were always cliffs that grew rougher over time and increasingly discolored. Asahi had been dealing, coping, suffering through his least and most favorite crack in the earth for two years. There had been no reduction in steepness nor subdue in color; Asahi feared it never would. 

It had started as a small divot in the ground. Asahi imagined it formed the first time Nishinoya dove to receive a ball. The imperfection turned into a soft muddy puddle the first time he ate lunch with the shorter male. At a pace much more rapid than Asahi was comfortable with, the soft earth became a sink hole. The more time Asahi spent with Nishinoya the deeper the hole sucked Asahi in. It felt like he was drowning. All the fear and longing condensing on his chest. He wanted to be everything for Nishinoya, to give everything to Nishinoya; but he couldn't give Nishinoya the feminine body he chased after. He would never have supple breasts or be smaller than Nishinoya. So the sink hole became a deep open gash that refused to heal no matter how friendly they were.

The hardest part was that the Noya void wasn't something he could grow familiar with. Anytime Nishinoya reminded Asahi that he had the Ace’s back, Asahi’s heart would overflow with trust and confidence. When Nishinoya insisted he study with Asahi after practice; though they both knew he would spend the entire time on his phone distracting Asahi with videos of cute baby animals, Asahi begged the universe to stop the moment from ending. Everything the libero did caused some reaction from Asahi, who found the situation entirely inescapable.

———

Nishinoya Yuu knew that if one needed information, dirt, gossip, all they had to do was stroll the halls of Karasuno High School. In the morning, Nishinoya’s jaunt to his first hour class taught him that five first years had been caught cheating on the last physics test. His dash to the cafeteria for lunch allowed him to gather rumors about the captain of the boy’s swim team. A pair of second years Noya never bothered to learn the names of were liberally discussing a scandalous social media post on his way back to class. Nishinoya casually strolled behind Suga and Daichi as they made their way to Volleyball practice. Neither third year had an ear for gossip, but every once in awhile they would discuss their teammates, and that was normally just as good. “There’s something wrong with Asahi.” Suga stated, always hypersensitive to the mood of the team. “He’s been more withdrawn than normal.” Noya’s eyebrows furrowed as Daichi expressed his agreement. 

“You don't think it's something like Date Ko?” At the casual mention of Asahi’s mental breakdown the year prior, Noya tensed.

“It may be college,” Suga interjected, aware of the third non-participating aspect of the trio. “He probably feels responsible for helping his mom take care of his sister, and they have that family business.”

“Everyone says he should go to college.” Nishinoya remembered having a similar argument a few days prior with the ace. After hours of incessant badgering, words began spilling out of Asahi. He had already been accepted to the University of Tokyo, the closest school at a two hour drive, and had confirmed his enrollment. The only other person who knew about this was his mother. He and his mother had worked out a budget to make sure Asahi didn't need to work during his first year of school. At this point the only thing he was worried about was attending the school itself. Nishinoya doubted Asahi was worried about college to such a noticeable point. 

Nishinoya found himself watching Asahi throughout practice. He appeared as his normal self: bashful and nervous. Nothing noticeably out of character happened. Daichi and Suga caught him before the ace left practice; Nishinoya stuck around out of concern. Hiding around the corner of the gym entrance, Nishinoya listened as Suga approached the subject of college. As was expected Asahi assured the two third years that he and his family had the college situation sorted out.

“Then what's been eating at you?” Nishinoya cringed, Daichi had never been good with tact when dealing with Asahi.

“What do you mean?” Asahi’s tone revealed a sense of panic.

“You’ve been walking around like someone's got a gun to your head. Is it something to do with volleyball?”

“No!”

“Did the date with that girl from Lit. not go well Saturday?” Suga inquired using a softer tone.

“I canceled that.” The sudden silence indicated shock, a feeling Nishinoya was also experiencing. Nishinoya had invited Asahi over to study on Saturday. He hadn't left until Noya feel asleep around one.”

“Why?!” Daichi began to sound less like a captain and more like a concerned friend.

“I--I’m,” there was a loud sigh. “I’m not exactly into girls, and Noya invited me to study.” Nishinoya could feel the metaphysical floor under his feet begin to buckle.

“Asahi, do you like Noya?” In any other situation Nishinoya would have burst out laughing at Suga’s unquestionably motherly tone, but this was something Noya had to hear.

“Yes.” The metaphysical floor shattered. “I tried to ignore it and get over it, but it doesn't matter what I do.” The defeated tone in Asahi’s voice broke Nishinoya’s heart. “I can't think of anyone else the way I think of Noya.”

“Have you told him?”

“I haven't told anyone. It would be pointless. Noya’s straight. I'm pretty sure it's not a joke when he says he came here for the girl’s uniforms, and the way he acts about Kiyoko.” Suga cooed. Nishinoya imagined he had pulled Asahi into a hug. “I'll be in college soon, then maybe it will go away.”

“How long have you liked Nishinoya?”

“I think it's been two years.”

“And you haven't said anything?!” Daichi exclaimed, suddenly very close to Nishinoya’s hiding place. 

“Can we just drop it? I need to get home and help my mother with dinner.”

By the time the third years had turned off the lights and exited the gym, Nishinoya was lying down face first on his bed. His body trying to recover from his sudden long distance sprint and the fact that one of his best friends loved him. Had loved him for years apparently. It had come to a mild shock that Asahi was gay. The statement “I’m not exactly into girls” rattled around in Noya’s head. He could accept that he wasn't the most observant person; he was oblivious to most people sexuality unless they said something outright. Asahi had never been the kind to openly share that information. The cluelessness extended to himself as well. Nishinoya Yuu did not know what his own sexuality was. He never cared to label himself outside of Libero. Both girls and guys got his motor running. Tanaka said that made him bisexual. Noya had decided it didn't matter what it was officially called.

Of course after Noya’s realization he became extra careful about looking at his friends and teammates through the lense of a possible romantic partner. They were obviously attractive, a guy didn't spend all of his time rigorously playing volleyball to come out conventionally unattractive, but he hadn't wanted to make anyone uncomfortable. Especially Asahi, who flushed and panicked at everything. 

Nishinoya reached to call Tanaka, but recoiled before his fingers were fully extended. Asahi hadn't told anyone about this; he hadn't wanted to. Only Daichi and Suga were supposed to know. Tanaka was good with secrets, but Noya wanted to respect Asashi’s privacy. Groaning and rolling onto his back, Nishinoya decided to deal with everything after he got out of the shower.

Nishinoya decided to text Suga. He rewrote his text five times in order to find the perfect tone. Humor hadn't seemed like the best idea.

[Noya]: So I may have seen you and Daichi pull Asahi aside after practice

[Noya]: and I may have waited around to make sure Asahi was okay myself

[Noya]: and I may have heard your entire conversation

Nishinoya twiddled his thumbs for fifteen minutes waiting for the third year to notice the series of texts and respond.

[Suga]: Did you say anything to Asahi?

[Noya]: No! 

[Noya]: What would I say to him?!?!

[Suga]: You heard him talking about his feelings towards you, and despite what he may think you don't hold his sexuality against him. You still want to be friends with him.

[Noya]: What if I don't want to be friends

[Noya]: what if I want to be more than friends

[Suga]: Nishinoya Yuu, if this is some kind of joke, I swear to God.

[Noya]: it’s not a joke

Noya didn't know how to describe it, the tightening in his stomach when he thought about staying friends with Asahi. He had never considered it, never let himself consider it, but now that he was considering it. He didn’t want to stop. Nishinoya knew how comfortable he was studying with Asahi. It wasn’t a stretch for him to imagine their weekly study session turning into a weekly make-out session.

[Noya]: I think I like him, but I’m not sure,

[Suga]: You’re not sure?

[Noya]: I don’t know!!!!!!

[Suga]: Find me at lunch.

——

Nishinoya kept his headphones firmly in his ears, volume cranked up all the way. He didn't want to hear the gossip. He had his own problems to figure out. Noya didn't know what Suga wanted from him. If he wanted a straightforward answer, he wasn't going to get one. He liked Asahi. The ace was Nishinoya’s best friend, Tanaka excluded of course, but Noya didn't know if he considered Asahi a romantic interest because he was actually interested in Asahi or because Asahi was interested in him. Noya didn't know how he was supposed to differentiate that aspect of his feelings.

During the five minute break in math Nishinoya tried to remember how he felt from before. He and Asahi had shared a few awkward moments together--touches that lingered too long, eye contact that lead to blushing--but nothing that explicitly suggested something else. 

Nishinoya plopped himself down in front of Suga and groaned; his head falling forward to rest on the smooth lunch table. “So where were you?”

“On the other side of the door.” Noya picked his head up and took his lunch out. “Did you expect Asahi to say what he said?”

“No, I honestly thought it was college related. Asahi has always been very private, especially with his sexuality. Daichi and I thought he may be asexual, since up until now he had never shown interest in anyone.”

“I never thought about it. I never cared. Asahi was Asahi; I mean he still is, but--shit Suga! What am I supposed to do?”

“From our conversation last night it sounds like you need to figure out your feelings before you do anything.”

“I don't know how to do that.”

“Why don't you come with Daichi and I after practice?”

——

Azumane Asahi thought he was being discreet. Thought he had finally mastered the perfect cool facade. Suga and Daichi were always the ones to prove him wrong. They were the ones who normally helped him chuck boulders into his giant ravines. With his current problem, his Nishinoya problem, they were trying to throw him over the edge. They were dragging him by his arms; his toes digging their own deep ruts into the earth. At the moment, they were at a stalemate. Asahi’s hands dangling over the edge. The tips of his fingers tingled from the cool air seeping upwards from the heart of the crater.

Nishinoya was scary. He refused to apologize for the words that came out of his mouth and never second guessed his actions. He continued to flirt and beg for Kiyoko’s attention despite her constant rejections. The most intimidating aspect of Nishinoya was his eyes. Those caramel brown portals could pin Asahi in place with no effort. He brought on anxiety as easily as he dispelled it. If Asahi took Suga and Daichi’s advice and decided to unceremoniously fling himself into the gaping void, he may never reach the bottom. There may not be anyone to catch him and help him return to his feet. 

——

Asahi felt his legs give out from underneath him. It was Saturday. There was no practice scheduled. Yet, Asahi had spent the last three hours of his morning hitting jump serves over an imaginary net. His phone was sitting on the bench next to his bag which contained a protein bar and his street shoes. It had gone off a few times, but Asahi didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially not Suga, who was trying to drag Asahi out to lunch with him and Daichi. He wanted to work himself until his legs refused to carry him, and his arms couldn't move his hands above his waist. Achieving that had not brought peace to his mind. Asahi’s phone went off once again, a different pattern of vibrations letting Asahi know Nishinoya was now trying to contact him. 

Forcing his legs to work, Asahi stood. Slowly he made his way over to the bench. There were two missed calls and ten messages from Suga. The first had been sent before Asahi had left his house. They originated as an invitation to lunch, but ended with minor panic as to why Asahi wasn't answering. Nishinoya’s text was a paragraph continuation of Suga’s messages. He began with mild concern then quickly devolved into threats of going to Asahi’s house. The ace was in the middle of considering turning his phone off, when his phone lit up with a picture of Nishinoya. Asahi felt he might as well answer the call. “Hello?” His voice sounded far away.

“Asahi! Where the fuck are you? Your mom said you left home three hours ago!”

“At the gym.” The other end of the conversation went silent. Asahi knew Noya wasn't expecting that answer. He normally stayed away from the gym whenever he could. 

“I'll be there in a few minutes.” The call ended, almost cutting off Noya’s sentence. 

Asahi debated fleeing the scene, but he didn't know where he would go. He’d run into Noya, if he went home. The thought of running made Asahi’s legs heavier. He was so tired of running. He was tired of fighting, and throwing pointless rocks. So Asahi stayed put, finishing his bottle of water and enjoying the relief that came with giving in.

“Suga thought something happened to you.” Nishinoya’s voice startled Asahi, kicking his heart into overdrive as it always did. “He didn't believe me when I told him where you were.”

“I had to practice my jump serves.”

“On your own.” Nishinoya sounded hurt, as if Asahi had kicked him in the shin.

“It was more of a mental exercise.” Asahi dropped his empty water bottle into his gym bag. There was tension in the room, and Asahi didn't know where it was coming from. Nishinoya hadn't moved from his standing position just inside the gym doors.

“Suga and Daichi thought something was wrong. They talked to you right? Did they fix it?” Asahi felt his heart seize. He waited for the panic to set in, but realized that he had already surrendered. His body wasn't going to fight anymore. It was still there, bubbling under the surface, but he was to tired to utilize it.

“They talked to me.” Asahi confirmed. He kept his face tilted towards the ground. His eyes focused on the wood between his feet. “I told them everything was fine.”

“BULLSHIT!” Asahi glanced over at the libero. His hands were clenched into fists. His right foot a step closer to Asahi. Nishinoya always wanted to fight. He wouldn't give up until he was forced to. “If everything was fine you wouldn't be here. You would have returned Suga’s texts immediately. You wouldn't be hiding from me.” Asahi turned his head to face Nishinoya head on. “I overheard your conversation with Suga and Daichi. I just wanted to know what was wrong--but--” Asahi felt his muscles twitch. He wanted to curl into himself and hide. A coward's way out, but it was the least painful way out. “I'm sorry I eavesdropped, but I think I needed to hear it. I'm not sure exactly what I am. I've never been good with labels and emotions, but I know that I want to try being with you the way you want to be with me.”

“You don't need to do this.” Asahi looked up at Noya; his voice wavering and eyes drowning in tears he was trying to hold back.

“I know.” Moving one foot in front of the other, Noya came to stand in front of Asahi. “I've been bisexual for a while I guess. Tanaka wanted me to tell the team last year, but I thought it wouldn't matter. It doesn't, not in the way I thought it would. But it does matter in other ways.”

“Don't feel like you have to do this, Yuu.” 

“I only ever do what I want to, Azumane.”

Asahi couldn't focus on the way the kiss felt. He was aware of the steady pressure, and the subtle chappedness of Nishinoya’s lips. But, the avalanche rumbling through Asahi’s head stole most of his mental capacity. It didn't fill the ravine, there was no point in hoping it ever would, but it was reshaping it. Smoothing the jagged walls until it resembled every other unfillable hole. This one would always be special though, because it would always belong to Nishinoya.


End file.
